Missing you

What does ‘missing you’ mean? My wife would say it means not being able to make the call to her Mother when she has a concern. Or when she wants to brag on one of her seven grandchildren. Or being able to take a vacation and sit together talking about the cares and joys of life.  They talked almost daily for the last 30 years. Daily life will never be the same for her since her mother passed Feb 2016.

My wife would say it is not being able to go fishing with her brother. Or sit with him talking cars, guns, grandchildren, work, people they knew or hundreds of shared experiences growing up. He passed April 2016, about 10 weeks after her mother.

At the cemetery

I sat with her today at the cemetery. We sat on a bench monument at the head of her brother’s grave. We overlooked her mother’s grave to the headstone for her parent’s. We shared stories, but mostly I listened. When she cried, I tried to comfort her. I found myself tearing up.

The time came to leave. We stood, said goodbye to her brother and approached the parent’s headstone. My wife leaned over and rubbed the picture of her mother engraved there. “Happy birthday, Mom.”

It is cliché to say “They will never be gone as long as we hold them in our hearts.” The cliché is supposed to make us feel better. But it is a poor replacement for seeing the smile, hearing the laugh, or holding the loved one. It can only soothe the hurt in ‘missing you.”

Me, it has been twenty years since my mother passed. I lost two brothers and my father between October 2002 and October 2003. My sister passed in 2011. Some days, when I am experiencing a success, I find myself reaching for the phone to share it with my mother. To this day, ‘missing you’ touches me.

May they all rest in peace knowing we are “missing you.”

Are you missing someone? Use the comment form to tell me about them.

If you are considering a soccer club for your player, think PSC.

The Pipeline Soccer Club (PSC) is presenting the opportunity for boy and girl soccer players to earn a place on a club team. Current rostered team members and players seeking a place should attend tryouts. All skill levels are welcome.

Players undergo testing as I mentioned in last week’s post. The club’s expectation is the child will work hard and show his or her best skillset. The coach’s evaluation of how the child performs will affect the offer made to the child.

PSC Tryout process

I was one of the coach assistants at last year’s tryouts. I observed boys born in 2008 executing dribbling and passing drills before placed in teams to scrimmage. Some boys received offers to teams at the level of demonstrated abilities. Players were notified if not selected to a team. The boys who accepted their offer received information on joining the club.

Those who rejected the offers created additional work for the coaches. Instead of a player the coach felt would integrate into the team, he faced taking a less talented boy.

Some parents scout multiple clubs with the object to get a top team selection. They will accept the offer from the club offering a spot on their tier one team. Besides inconsiderate, they don’t seem focused on great learning experiences for their child.

Deciding on the best offer – things to consider

The point is the parents should evaluate the clubs for the experience they will offer their child.  They should consider the overall package the club offers. What is the quality of coaches and how integrated into the training process are the Director of Coaching and technical directors?  Does the club have better prospects or overall access to elite competitions?  How integrated are the teams in an age group? Can players train or play with higher level teams in their age group?

PSC is one of the founding members of the US Youth Soccer National League EDP Leadership Council. It is one of the clubs with lower level teams that compete well in challenging leagues and tournaments as reflected by their results. PSC teams play in top tournaments such as Jefferson Cup and Disney. This year PSC had a National Champion. The experience is more important than the level of the team.

PSC pays for the facilities used to test the players. Its coaches commit many hours of their own time going over evaluations notes and creating the offers. Finally, PSC encourages coaches to make them promptly, within days of the end of tryouts. Parents should accept or reject offers with the same promptness.

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It is interesting how parenting is similar to coaching a young sports team.

Parents guide their children to prepare them to be successful in life.

Coaches provide guidance and training to the team members to prepare them to be successful in competitions.

Common Objective

One commonality is the parent and coach try to inculcate the desire to learn into children. How to instill this desire is the challenge.

Parents have advantages over coaches. There is the unique relationship between parent and child, often loving. The parent provides subsistence and shelter. The parent also provides access to entertainment. Finally, the child and parent co-exist in an environment where contact will be regular and often.

Coaches have limited contact with players, usually during practice sessions. These sessions occur a limited number of times a week, but only for a few hours each session. Unlike the parent, the coach does not provide subsistence or shelter (unless it is a canopy when raining!)

Limitations

Parents and coaches have limits on how they can respond to children disinclined to listen and learn. Both can play on the child’s love or respect for them should it exists. This may not be enough though.

Parents can restrict access to entertainment and some types of subsistence such as sweets. Physical punishment may be an option if it is acceptable to the parent and complies with local and federal laws. Regardless, abuse is never proper.

Coaches are limited to what can be done during practice or during the game. This includes appealing to the player’s affinity for teammates, individual endurance training, and removal from training drills. Lastly, the coach can limit playing time during competitions.

Child’s Responsibility

The endgame is parents and coaches have goals for those in their care. However, it is incumbent on the child to take the initiative to make use of the experiences and knowledge parents and coaches provide.

How much responsibility for success do you think lies with the child? I would enjoy learning your thoughts on the relationship between parents, coaches, and the child. Comment form provided for your input.